In this monthly (maybe it will become biweekly if you don’t mind me too much) newsletter, I will be taking the BIG fish (concepts) in life and frying them, I mean, breaking them down into insights and actions.
Recently, I turned 40, a halfway point in my life, according to recent longevity data. Of all the ways one can measure success or progress, I think the biggest win for me so far is how much more thoughtful I am about the relationships I cultivate and how I participate in those relationships. I synthesized the approach that worked for me into The Relationship Log for you below my monologue.
What inspired me to come up with The Log
Like many, I developed friendships where I organically met people; for me, that was mostly school and work, as I spent most of my 20s working long hours in the laboratory and my 30s working longer hours in the office. If the people I met had shared the values I required in my relationships (e.g., mutual respect, integrity, honesty) and we could talk about our day-to-day, I had all the comfort I needed and wanted from a friend.
As I became better at finding myself outside work and developing hobbies and interests, I realized I also needed to diversify and expand my friendships (scary realization for an introvert :/). While I cherished my current friends, I also needed more than comfort to pursue my new goals.
I needed to feel inspired, creative, and challenged by those who shared similar aspirations. Instead of expecting my existing friends to change, I needed to add more people to my life, much like a weightlifter who needs more protein to build muscle without sacrificing other essential nutrients.
Relationships, including friendships, family, significant other, neighbors, colleagues, and even the interactions we encounter sporadically, are sources of essential nutrients for our goals, growth, or general well-being. Yet, we often take a passive approach in who we spend time with, how often, and what we do together.
So, what does it mean to participate in your relationships actively and intentionally?
You want to be surrounded by the best energies, support, and inspiration to get you to your goals and minimize those that make the journey more difficult. Additionally, you want to be mindful of how you contribute to others’ well-being productively and intentionally.
As promised, here’s the “The Relationship Log” to help you start your own journey. The Relationship Log is like a food diary you keep as you embark on a physical health journey—the goal is to help you observe your patterns, reflect, and identify opportunities to improve your habits.
Try this out, and let me know what you think in the comments on my site.
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Welcome, and I can’t wait to see you again next month!
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Thanks for your work here! I’m teaching an assessment and evaluation course right now and have been talking with them about our roles as ongoing assessors and evaluators in our lives beyond the classroom. I would love to use this sentence of yours with my MEd students if you don’t mind: “Of all the ways one can measure success or progress, I think the biggest win for me so far is how much more thoughtful I am about the relationships I cultivate and how I participate in those relationships.”