Being fearless is a SCAM
And that’s why my goal this year is to be scared and rejected more
Note: this was initially published in the Juliettism newsletter on February 2, 2023. I have refreshed and edited it before publishing it here.
Does feeling fearful or uncomfortable mean you are not ready for the next steps or risks?
We often hear the mantra “Be fearless.” That people who achieve success don’t feel fear because they are so certain of their actions. This misconception holds many of us back, especially women, waiting until we feel fearless to act. I am here to correct this notion: feeling fear or discomfort does not mean you are not ready, and it’s a matter of calibration and transparency.
The truth is, even the most successful people do feel the same fear you do: fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of judgment. They choose to move forward anyway, either accepting the feeling because the failed outcome is not as bad as we imagine it to be or assigning a new label to the feeling: adrenaline, excitement, growth.
You do not need to overcome your fears to act. Feeling fear does not mean you are not ready or that you lack confidence. In fact, because humans are wired to maintain homeostasis, the comfort of the known is the most natural state. When we step out of the comforting state, which is required to advance, feelings of fear and worry are very expected—we just collectively choose not to acknowledge it to others for… you guessed it, fear of judgment.
This exclusion of truth applies to big decisions, like launching a start-up, and smaller actions, like leading a meeting. You do not typically hear about the fear or unease successful people feel before they take that leap. Likewise, leaders do not tell you that they feel the same fear you do very often.
But they do. I do. I waited too many times and too long to feel “fearless” before action, but now I know better—feeling various types of fear is normal and feeling fearless is much rarer. Instead of waiting for your feelings to change, shift your mindset. Get comfortable in the discomfort so that you can move forward despite it. Reframe your mindset from “I am scared I guess I am not ready” to “I feel scared, I must be on the path to growth and opportunity.” In fact, feelings of fear, discomfort, and nervousness can be considered leading indicators of growth.
I recently wondered if I am pushing myself to be sufficiently scared or feel it often enough. How do I know I have tested my potential and reached the limits if I am not feeling considerable discomfort on a regular basis? If I cannot recall being rejected recently, are my aspirations sufficiently high to do my own potential justice? Or are my emotions clipping my own growth, limiting my dreams by what I safely felt I could accomplish?
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to say I should’ve worked harder. Rather, if the feeling of fear is a leading indicator of growth, I am not sure if I have been scared enough, rejected enough, or failed enough to honestly tell myself I have reached my potential. Hence, I decided that this year and onward, my indicator of success will be how often I get rejected and how truly scared and fearful I feel. I invite you on this journey with me. The trick to this challenge is accepting the fear and rejection for what it is: a leading indicator that you are advancing, and THAT is nothing to be demoralized by. But don’t take it from me; take it from these stories you may have heard of:
• Jamie Siminoff: When he pitched his idea for what later became the “ring camera” on the shark tank, Jamie was rejected by every single shark, except one whose deal he still turned down. Ring became a billion-dollar brand, and Jamie returned to being a shark.
• Walt Disney: When he came forward with the idea of Oswald the Rabbit, not only was his negotiation rejected, but he also lost most of his staff after the failed negotiation. The next character he created was none other than Mickey Mouse.
• JK Rowling: When she first submitted the script for the first Harry Potter book, she was rejected no fewer than 12 times. Even when she finally got accepted, she was advised to find a day job as the publishing company did not believe the book would be that successful. Rowling became the first person to become a billionaire by writing fiction.
• Hwang Dong-hyuk: When he wrote the script for Squid Games, he pitched it for almost ten years, and throughout those 10 years, he was only met with rejection. He even once had to pause his writing to sell his $675 laptop in order to make ends meet. Squid Games is set to become the most-watched show in Netflix history, generating about $891.1 million.
I am sure they all felt fear when faced with these struggles, and despite the rejection, they moved forward and made an impact with their success.